On the 1st October 2011 my son Branden James died. In the early hours of Saturday morning, his car went off the road, nose dived into a ditch, bounced over a fence and bushes and landed in a dam. He was killed instantly, no pain, no suffering. For that I am very grateful.Those first few hours on Sunday when we found out were numbing, I could feel nothing, not even my hands. It took a few hours to finally sink in, and I went to my horses, Moonlight held me while I cried. When I stopped, he simply walked away and sighed, saying, well that's it, you've cried, and that was it, I had cried......
That first week was very fuzzy, nothing was very clear, I looked in the mirror and saw an old woman. I did a lot of walking, a lot of being with the horses - they simply absorbed my pain. The memorial was up lifting and full of love and left both Clint and I and Ashley with a great sense of peace.
Through all this I have learned some great things about my son. He was very popular and much loved. He lived life to the full; hunting, fishing, tennis, a fanatic Rugby and cricket supporter, always helpful, reliable and gave away huge hugs to everyone who new him. He was part of so many peoples lives. Wow, I am in awe of who he had become.
I have regrets....we never got to dance together, we should have hugged more, and I dont have a really nice photo of him and me...
I have also learned that it really does take a village to raise a child, in Branden's case it seemed to take the whole communities of Kei Mouth, Morgan Bay, Komga & Brakfontein and in return, these same communities have supported us in our loss - they really do care. Thank you.
Clint is going to miss him terribly. They hunted and fished together, talked endlessly as the way guys obsessed with guns and tackle do. Ashley no longer has a big brother to watch out for him.
People seem surprised that I am not sobbing and crying for my boy. Am I sad, yes. Will I miss him? Yes. Will I have tearful moments? I am sure I will. But in this moment I am at peace. He is with me - I have had some very real moments where I have felt his presents (he was worried about me!). I know he is OK, and he knows that I am going to be OK.
How beautiful, Julie-Anne. I am in awe of your grace and serenity. My heart goes out to you and your family. Much love coming your way...
ReplyDeleteNow you made me cry.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful, Julie-Anne. I hope you don't mind... I've shared it on our blog too.
ReplyDeleteOh Julie-Anne and Clint, my thoughts are with you! I'm shocked, it's just two days after I left your lovely place feeling privileged having spent time so close to paradise. Well, let's hope Branden is now there, in paradise. May you find strength and keep all the memories. Send you a big, warm hug! Anett
ReplyDeleteMy brother...my best friend...it feels like iv lost a lover because this is someone i use to spend my birthdays with..my weekends..my new years..hahaha even spent my whole matric dance nyt with him..he was the first to call me wen i went to the Bush,,and everywknd i came home...there are simply no qoutes or sayings or words that can describe how much i love branden...and how hurt i am that hs gone...we became so close over the years that iv known him...so close that he became apart of my family....we understood and knew each other so well to a point where we woulda always finish each others sentences bt most importantly we Loved each other in the many favours and advice we did for the other...what im going to miss the most about my brother...is his hugs..branden nd i never shook hands wen we saw each other we always hugd...ill miss his big generous heart he would go to the ends of the world for hs friends and family...ill miss the millions of inside jokes we had..the funniest of fone calls...and ofcourse the 4am Feast we made our Tradition wen we gt back from a nyt out...and the smile on his face wen we re lived the previous nyts jol...outside all the Partying Brandens true Rock was his parents in Aunty Julie n Clint...there was no wknd at my house that he didnt tell me how proud he is of hs ''mommy''and all the crazy hunts nd fish trips nd brandys with clint...i take all the values nd morals he tought me through the rest of my life..promise to always look after your family J...especially Ashley who is now my brother jst as u are...love you J..STAY FOREVER IN MY HEART...TRI POD LOVE........VIJ
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