Wednesday, 19 October 2011

How are you feeling?

I seem to be spending a lot of time just being quiet, taking stock of what has happened and coming to terms with it. My garden is a wonderful sanctuary, and is glorious in all its spring splendor at the moment.  A lovely place to be and heal.

Here are some quotes from "Daily teachings" by Rhonda Byrne - its a little book full of quotes and feel good messages.  I thought I would share some with you........

Whatever feelings you have within you are attracting your tomorrow.

Worry attracts more worry.
Anxiety attracts more anxiety.
Unhappiness attracts more unhappiness.
Dissatisfaction attracts more dissatisfaction.

AND

Joy attract more joy.
Happiness attracts more happiness.
Peace attracts more peace.
Gratitude attracts more gratitude.
Kindness attracts more kindness.
Love attracts more love.

Your job is an inside one.
To change your world, all you have to do is change the way you feel inside.
How easy is that?

God is guiding you and communicating with you in every second of your life.  It is responding to your thoughts and He is giving you invaluable feedback through your feelings.  Your feelings are cosmic communications!  They are good for you!
The bad feelings are to get your attentions so that you will change what you are focusing on.

Tune in to the cosmic communication that is with you every day.  You are never alone, not for a second. The Universe is right with you at every step, guiding you.   But you have to listen!


Monday, 17 October 2011

When life changes suddenly......

On the 1st October 2011 my son Branden James died.  In the early hours of Saturday morning, his car went off the road, nose dived into a ditch, bounced over a fence and bushes and landed in a dam.  He was killed instantly, no pain, no suffering.  For that I am very grateful.

Those first few hours on Sunday when we found out were numbing, I could feel nothing, not even my hands.  It took a few hours to finally sink in, and I went to my horses, Moonlight held me while I cried. When I stopped, he simply walked away and sighed, saying, well that's it, you've cried, and that was it, I had cried......

That first week was very fuzzy, nothing was very clear, I looked in the mirror and saw an old woman. I did a lot of walking, a lot of being with the horses - they simply absorbed my pain.  The memorial was up lifting and full of love and left both Clint and I and Ashley with a great sense of peace.

Through all this I have learned some great things about my son.  He was very popular and much loved.  He lived life to the full;  hunting, fishing, tennis, a fanatic Rugby and cricket supporter, always helpful, reliable and gave away huge hugs to everyone who new him.  He was part of so many peoples lives. Wow, I am in awe of who he had become.
I have regrets....we never got to dance together, we should have hugged more, and I dont have a really nice photo of him and me...

I have also learned that it really does take a village to raise a child, in Branden's case it seemed to take the whole communities of Kei Mouth, Morgan Bay, Komga & Brakfontein and in return, these same communities have supported us in our loss - they really do care.  Thank you.

Clint is going to miss him terribly.  They hunted and fished together, talked endlessly as the way guys obsessed with guns and tackle do.  Ashley no longer has a big brother to watch out for him.
People seem surprised that I am not sobbing and crying for my boy.  Am I sad, yes.  Will I miss him? Yes. Will I have tearful moments?  I am sure I will.  But in this moment I am at peace. He is with me - I have had some very real moments where I have felt his presents (he was worried about me!).  I know he is OK, and he knows that I am going to be OK.